


nine lives

by jaemarked



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Coming of Age, M/M, Platonic Relationships, Spirits, Suicidal Thoughts, Unhappy Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-16
Updated: 2020-01-16
Packaged: 2021-02-27 16:00:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22279819
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jaemarked/pseuds/jaemarked
Summary: Taeyong would give up anything to protect Mark.
Relationships: Mark Lee & Lee Taeyong, Mark Lee/Xiao De Jun | Xiao Jun
Comments: 16
Kudos: 111
Collections: Pro Debuter Fest Fic Recs





	nine lives

**Author's Note:**

> this was a bitch to write. for some reason i'm making angst my brand though so here we are. i have many feelings about markyong's relationship.
> 
> this fic might be a little confusing, so if you have any questions, feel free to DM me on twitter!
> 
> mark's age timeline:
> 
> nine: 7 years old  
> eight: 12 years old  
> seven: 14 years old  
> six: 17 years old  
> five: 18 years old  
> four: 19 years old  
> three: 20 years old  
> two: 21 years old  
> one: 23 years old

#####  n i n e

The moonlight filtered in through the white curtains, dancing in spots on the floor of an otherwise darkened bedroom. All was silent but the rustling leaves and the occasional tap of branches from the tree just outside the window.

A boy, no older than seven, laid fast asleep in his bed. Snoring away, his head was filled with dreams of warm embraces and gentle laughter. An only child, and one with no friends, the boy craved the company of another human.

Little did he know, he would find a friend soon, but that friend would be anything but human. 

The creak of the window as it slid open interrupted the silence. A slim, lithe figure slipping in from the night. The boy shivered as the figure brought the cold with him. The window was quickly closed.

The figure, much taller and broader than the boy, approached the bed with silent steps. His shadow took on the shape of a human, save for two pointed ears and the wisp of a tail. 

“Minhyung-ah,” the figure whispered. His voice was soft, lulling. He knew that when the boy woke up, he would be unafraid of the stranger in his bedroom. 

The boy sat up slowly, blinking the sleep out of his eyes. He looked up at the stranger, and as predicted, he was not afraid. Just confused, large doe eyes squinting in the dark.

“Hello,” the boy said. “Who are you?”

“I am Taeyong,” the stranger answered, drifting closer to the bed, tempted by the soft covers. He was, after all, a cat by nature. “I am your companion.”

“Companion?” The boy, Minhyung, repeated. 

“Your friend,” Taeyong explained, perching on the edge of Minhyung’s bed. The boy cautiously reached out, and Taeyong smiled, lowering his head so the boy could touch his ears, fascination written all over his face. “I’m here to love you, and play with you. And,” he added, “I’m here to keep you safe.”

“Keep me safe?” Minhyung repeated with childish wonder, firmly petting Taeyong’s hair and ears. Taeyong purred, letting his chest rumble with the sound. He could feel Minhyung getting sleepier, more relaxed and less lonely with Taeyong’s presence. Taeyong laid in bed next to Minhyung, wrapping his tail around the boy’s wrist. 

“The world is a dangerous place,” Taeyong murmured, “and childhood is a difficult time. I will prevent any harm from coming to you.”  _ Until you grow up,  _ Taeyong doesn’t say.

“Okay,” Minhyung said agreeably. Taeyong did not expect him to disagree, not when he could tell how lonely the boy felt, having moved from Toronto to New York to Vancouver. The boy had no real friends, and not even a sibling to share his toys with. Minhyung was lonely, and Taeyong was here to fix it.

“Go to sleep, Minhyung-ah,” Taeyong said. “It’s late now.” It wasn’t, really. Minhyung’s parents had just gone to bed themselves. But it was too late for a child, especially for one that had a long day of playing ahead of him.

“Will you be here in the morning?” Minhyung asked, snuggling down into the covers, cheek pressed against the pillow as he faced Taeyong.

“Of course,” Taeyong promised, pressing a kiss to Minhyung’s forehead. “I won’t leave you.”

“Okay,” Minhyung said, immediately shutting his eyes. It didn’t take more than a moment for Minhyung to fall asleep, breaths slow and deep. Taeyong stared at the child, his charge, fondly.

Downstairs, the flame of the candle Mrs. Lee had forgotten about flickered in wind with no source, and went out. An accident no longer waiting to happen.

Pleased, Taeyong shut his eyes and went to sleep.

  
  
  


#####  e i g h t

Taeyong sat on the counter at the back of Minhyung’s classroom. At twelve years old, he was already in the sixth grade. It meant watching Minhyung play on the basketball team, or do science labs in class, or listen as Minhyung rambled about his project—his first ever novel.

They were learning about climate change in class. Taeyong sat, fascinated, as the students presented their ideas on how to reduce their carbon footprints. It was in this classroom that Minhyung made his first friend.

“Hi, I’m Kunhang. I really liked your project, and I was wondering if you want to sit with me and my friends at lunch today.” He pointed to two other boys sitting at the back of the classroom. Taeyong knew them to be Dejun and Yukhei. He often watched them banter and interact, since they sat right in front of his favourite spot to sit in the classroom.

“I’m Mark, and I’d love to sit with you guys.” That was all Minhyung could say before the next group presented their project. Taeyong smiled fondly when Minhyung took his seat, twisting around to look at Taeyong as if to say  _ hyung, did you see that? _

__ Minhyung always called Taeyong “hyung”, ever since he learned it from his parents. Taeyong would never admit it, but he loved the way the endearment sounded, especially when he learned the meaning behind it. Minhyung had never had an older brother, but Taeyong was the closest he had to the real thing.

So Taeyong didn’t complain when Minhyung got invited to play basketball at the park. He didn’t fuss when it started to rain and Minhyung called for the game to continue, not wanting to leave behind his new friends so early. He didn’t do anything except keepingfor keep Minhyung warm and dry beneath his clothing.

And when Minhyung dashed across the street without looking both ways, Taeyong didn’t hesitate to prevent the car from colliding with his fragile body.

He swore he would protect Minhyung. That was his duty, as Minhyung’s older brother.

  
  
  


#####  s e v e n

Minhyung got his first boyfriend at fourteen. Taeyong had been present when Dejun confessed his feelings for Minhyung. He was always by Minhyung’s side, because he didn’t want to miss out on a second. He wouldn’t always be there, but for now, it was enough.

“I like you.” Dejun had told Minhyung, on the basketball court where they had been playing together since the first day they became friends. 

Taeyong had watched the shy smile bloom on Minhyung’s face, and felt nothing but pride. His little brother was growing up. 

“I like you too.” Minhyung and Dejun looked beautiful in their happiness, bliss radiating from every inch of their beings as the sunset illuminated their skin. Taeyong looked on fondly, his hand on his heart. He had grown to love Dejun, Yukhei, and Kunhang almost as much as he loved Minhyung. They were good friends, and they cared about Minhyung a lot. Taeyong knew he could trust them to take care of his brother.

The boys didn’t kiss, because they were too shy for that, but they hugged tightly and held hands as Minhyung walked Dejun home. Minhyung promised to take the other boy on a date, and they laughed. Taeyong followed behind them, knowing that later tonight, Minhyung would freak out about the confession, the date—all of it.

Taeyong didn’t always have to guide Minhyung. For the most part, the boy was intelligent enough to make his own decisions, because Minhyung was a smart, logical kid, though sometimes he made stupid decisions. But as he watched Minhyung’s hands tremble with nerves when he said goodnight to Dejun, Taeyong knew Minhyung would need his help. 

Taeyong had been watching Dejun for the better part of two years. He was always around Minhyung, probably because of his crush. Taeyong knew exactly what kind of date Dejun would like.

“Take him to the boardwalk,” Taeyong suggested as Minhyung walked home. Taeyong trailed behind him, tail flicking into funny shapes as he observed his shadow. He pretended to poke Minhyung’s shadow, and Minhyung laughed. “You can get some ice cream, go to the arcade, and walk along the water. Then you can fulfill your fantasy of kissing him in the moonlight.”

“Hey!” Minhyung said, reaching out to shove Taeyong. “I told you that in private.”

But he was smiling so, so widely, and Taeyong couldn’t help but smile back, hopelessly endeared by the boy in front of him. 

Minhyung was so elated, he didn’t even notice the fact that he was home alone once again, his parents’ long hours leaving him by himself more often than not, though he had Taeyong for company.

He was so happy that when he forgot to turn off the stove before going to bed in his excitement, Taeyong didn’t hesitate. 

It didn’t matter that he could feel the strain on his body, the flame that was his heart weakening. It only mattered that Minhyung was safe. 

And alive.

  
  
  
  


#####  s i x

At seventeen years old, Minhyung was finally a senior in high school. He and Dejun were still going strong, having just celebrated their three year anniversary. Taeyong had watched them go from their first date to their hundredth, and Dejun never stopped smiling at Minhyung.

Minhyung had grown up well. He was the ace of the basketball team, and he had applied to English Lit programs for a few different universities. He hadn’t wanted to go too far, or else he wouldn’t be able to visit his parents. His mother’s health was declining, and though Minhyung hadn’t wanted to live in an empty, loveless house, he still wanted to be able to take care of the parent who had brought him into this world.

Taeyong’s heart ached for Minhyung, the purest boy who had so much love for his family and friends. He wanted to protect Minhyung from everything, but he couldn’t protect Minhyung from heartbreak.

“I got accepted into Yale!” Dejun told Minhyung excitedly. It was a sunny afternoon, despite the fact that it was January. The heating system was on, but Minhyung’s bedroom had never felt so cold.

“You’re going so far away,” Minhyung said softly. He was unable to hide the hurt in his eyes. “I didn’t even know you applied.”

Dejun shrugged. Taeyong wanted to scream at him.  _ Can’t you see? Can’t you see how you’re hurting him?  _ “I didn’t tell anyone. I didn’t think I would get in.”

“Well you did,” Minhyung shot back. Minhyung, who had just accepted the offer he had gotten from UBC. “You’re going to leave.”

“In September, Mark.” It finally seemed to dawn on Dejun, how upset he had made Minhyung.  _ Taeyong’s  _ Minhyung. “And I may be leaving Vancouver, but I will never,  _ ever  _ leave you. Can you believe that?”

Taeyong could. Despite how angry he was at Dejun for hurting Minhyung, he knew how much the other boy loved his little brother. He had watched Dejun grow up almost as much as he had watched Minhyung, and Dejun had never looked at anyone else the same way.

“I’m going to miss you,” Minhyung confessed, hands trembling, but with sadness rather than nerves. 

“We’ll FaceTime every day. I’ll be spending summers and holidays back here. I’ll text you so much you’ll be annoyed with me,” Dejun promised, reaching out to hold Minhyung in his arms. Minhyung was much taller, but he crumpled down in Dejun’s embrace. 

“I could never be annoyed with you.”

That night, thunder rumbled menacingly in the worst storm Vancouver had seen in years. Minhyung cried into his pillow as Taeyong tried to comfort him with lulling purrs and soothing touches. He held the younger boy close, and his heart ached once more.

Lightning struck the tree outside Minhyung’s window, but the tree defied the laws of physics, and fell in the opposite direction.

Minhyung was sad, sobbing in Taeyong’s arms, but he was safe. And that was all Taeyong could ask for. 

  
  
  


#####  f i v e

Although Taeyong only had Minhyung, he had never considered himself as lonely. 

Until now, at least.

Minhyung lived on campus in a shared dorm, and his roommate, Donghyuck, was almost always in the room. Donghyuck was some sort of brainiac, having graduated high school a year early, and he spent most of his time studying. Which meant whenever he was home, Minhyung couldn’t talk to Taeyong.

Outside of the dorm, Minhyung was rarely alone. He was either with his friends or fellow classmates, and the campus was crowded enough that people would notice if Minhyung appeared to be talking to himself.

Taeyong was content with just sleeping in Minhyung’s bed while he FaceTimed Dejun, or sitting next to Minhyung in his lectures, or following Minhyung to the convenience store on a late-night ramen run, but he missed being able to talk to Minhyung and have the younger boy respond to him.

“Your tail is gone,” Minhyung said one night, when Donghyuck was out to meet with friends. “I never noticed.”

“Oh. Yeah,” Taeyong said, glancing down his spine as if expecting the limb to have returned. It had disappeared almost eight months ago, on a stormy January night. 

“What happened to it?” Minhyung asked quizzically, closing his textbook and standing from his desk, groaning as his back cracked. Immediately, Taeyong was behind him, massaging the knots in his shoulders that had been hunched over homework for so long.

“I just wasn’t feeling it anymore,” Taeyong lied smoothly. “Are you done for the night?”

“Mhm,” Minhyung said, nodding. “I’m going to a party.”

There was a time when Taeyong was aware of everything going on in Minhyung’s life. Now, as Minhyung was older, he was more private about the details, especially when he was on his phone. Taeyong was never allowed to see his texts, and he never pried. He was hoping that he would spend some time with Minhyung, but he didn’t voice that aloud. Minhyung needed the proper college experience, and Taeyong would never take that away from him.

He perched on Minhyung’s desk as the boy, his boy, rummaged through his tiny closet, pulling out jeans that were shredded almost indecently, and a sheer black button-up. He didn’t comment on the outfit as he helped Minhyung do his hair. He remembered when Minhyung always dressed in t-shirts, polos, and chinos. Track pants or shorts when playing sports. Minhyung used to hate showing skin. But when he entered university and began taking advantage of the campus gym, he grew more confident in his body and looks. He was no longer the tiny, seven year old boy, but a lean, muscular eighteen year old man.

Still, he would always be Taeyong’s little brother, so Taeyong didn’t hesitate that night when Minhyung was walking home at midnight, slightly intoxicated. He stopped Minhyung from venturing off-campus, convincing him that he didn’t need ramen, instead directing him back to his dorm.

The next morning, the convenience store that Minhyung frequented was on the news, having been robbed at gunpoint sometime around midnight.

Taeyong’s ears disappeared from atop his head. 

  
  
  


#####  f o u r

Taeyong was tired.

He could feel the exhaustion down to his bones, but he still made an effort to follow Minhyung around every day. But when Minhyung was studying, Taeyong napped in his bed or on the floor.

With Minhyung’s second year came new friends, or at least Donghyuck’s friends, who had graduated high school at a normal time. There was Renjun, Jeno, Jaemin, and Yangyang. They were loud, and rowdy, but they kept Minhyung busy.

Busy enough that he didn’t notice how lethargic Taeyong was. How Taeyong couldn’t go a full day without napping. It was in a cat’s nature to nap, but Taeyong wasn’t really a cat. Just a guardian spirit in poor imitation of one. He didn’t even have the ears or tail anymore.

Right now, it was the end of summer vacation. Donghyuck and Minhyung had moved out of the dorms and into an apartment together, so it was easier for Taeyong to speak with Minhyung, when he was home.

But Minhyung was rarely ever home.

Dejun had come to visit over the summer, staying at his parents’ home and commuting to Minhyung’s apartment every morning. Yukhei and Kunhang also popped in at random times. They got along with Donghyuck and his friends too, and more often than not, the apartment was filled with their shrieking laughter as they spent time together.

Taeyong wasn’t used to being anything less than number one in Minhyung’s life, but it was okay. He was okay. All he ever wanted was for Minhyung to be happy.

Minhyung looked really happy now, grin permanently plastered on his face as he and his friends walked into the roller skating rink together. They hadn’t been there since they were sixteen, and had gone for nostalgia’s sake.

Dejun was delighted, and couldn’t stop smacking kisses to Minhyung’s cheeks, flustering Minhyung greatly—much to Taeyong’s amusement. If he was honest, he hadn’t expected Minhyung and Dejun to last this long, but it had been five years and they were still going strong. The distance hadn’t affected them at all. 

“Size?” The clerk asked when Minhyung stepped up to the counter for skate rentals.

“Size eight, please,” Minhyung requested politely. Taeyong smiled, thinking back to when he explained to Minhyung the importance of manners. He must have been eight or nine at the time. 

Taeyong hopped up onto the counter, and Dejun followed not a moment later. He was sitting close enough that Taeyong could reach out and touch him. If only he were capable of touching anyone other than Minhyung.

He softened when Minhyung tied the laces of Dejun’s skates for him, pulling the strings tightly and double-knotting expertly. Minhyung looked at Dejun so gently, it made Taeyong’s eyes water. His little brother was in love, and Taeyong refused to let anything take away his happiness.

Taeyong closed his eyes as the clerk returned with a pair of skates for Minhyung. He opened them when Minhyung helped Dejun hop off the counter, stumbling straight into Minhyung’s chest. Surprised, Minhyung wrapped his arms around Dejun to stabilize him. Taeyong, for the first time, did not follow Minhyung as he and his friends wandered over to the rink. He stayed seated on the counter, watching Minhyung from afar.

He didn’t have the energy to stand.

In the garbage can behind the clerk’s counter, there was a pair of size eight roller skates. The clerk had luckily noticed that the skates were damaged, and switched them out for another pair. 

Another accident prevented.

The flame of Taeyong’s heart flickered, and shrank.

  
  
  


#####  t h r e e

“What are you doing, Taeyong?”

Taeyong stood on the tiny balcony of Minhyung’s apartment, shivering in the cold that once never bothered him. Goosebumps formed along his pale skin, almost translucent under the moonlight. Fate stood before him, her dress glowing white and her dark hair shining. Her fox-like eyes examined Taeyong critically, observing the way his paper skin stretched over his bones, the dark circles under his eyes.

“You are throwing away everything for this boy,” Fate spoke again, no warmth on her face. She wasn’t mocking him, she was merely stating a fact. 

Taeyong crossed his arms. “He deserves it.”

“He is just a boy,” Fate said sharply. “You’re willing to cross me, the one who controls the future, just to keep him alive?”

“You don’t understand,” Taeyong whispered, tightening his hold on himself. “He is my little brother. I swore I would protect him.”

Fate shook her head. “No, I’m afraid I do not. I can’t imagine why a spirit would throw away his lives for a human. That boy should have died a long time ago.”

Taeyong closed his eyes against the harsh truth. “I’m sorry, Fate.”

“You will trade your lives for his?” Fate asked. “You will take his place in his death again and again, until you don’t have any lives left?”

“I love him,” Taeyong answered firmly. Inside the apartment, Minhyung stirred in his sleep, but did not awaken. “It isn’t a choice for me.”

“What about when you’re gone? Who will protect him then?”

Taeyong shrugged. There was nothing he could do, once he was gone, but he could at least make sure Minhyung stayed alive long enough to graduate and get married. 

Fate touched his arm, and he opened his eyes. She was looking at him with uncharacteristic gentleness. “I can change his fate, but I cannot change yours. If you sacrifice yourself for him, you will stay gone, but I can promise you he will remain here for a long time.”

“I will sacrifice myself for him,” Taeyong said thickly. “I will give up my years to extend his own. His happiness is all that matters to me.”

“I wish you wouldn’t say that,” Fate admitted. “You do know he’ll forget you, right?”

Taeyong took a deep, shuddering breath. “I know.”

Icy fingers closed around his wrist, and the chill spread through his veins. The flame inside him sputtered, growing even smaller still. Fate touched the flame with her fingertips, and Taeyong collapsed, his knees smacking painfully against the stone floor of the balcony.

“It is done,” Fate said solemnly. “His fate is sealed. Which means  _ your _ fate is sealed. Don’t let him die before you do, or else this will all have been for nothing.”

“I would never,” Taeyong wheezed. By the time he could look up, Fate was already gone. He returned to Minhyung’s bedroom and curled up under the covers, huddling against Minhyung for warmth. Minhyung shivered and pulled him closer, muttering in his sleep.

Distraught, Taeyong realized he could no longer even purr. 

The next morning, Minhyung and Donghyuck argued because Donghyuck accidentally threw out a bag of grapes Minhyung had bought. In the trash can, a black widow spider twitched for the last time.

Minhyung left for class, and this time, Taeyong didn’t go with him.

The boy,  _ his _ boy, didn’t even notice.

  
  
  
  


#####  t w o

“Taeyong, I’m graduating today!”

“I know,” Taeyong said warmly, pulling Minhyung into a hug. He didn’t wonder why Minhyung stopped calling him  _ hyung.  _ If he didn’t dwell on it, it wouldn’t hurt as much. 

This was the first time Minhyung had spoken to him in two days. He had startled when he first caught sight of Taeyong as he walked into the bedroom.  _ Oh, Taeyong. I didn’t see you there. _

__ Taeyong was fading fast, but Minhyung didn’t seem to notice. In fact, he barely noticed Taeyong at all. Because Minhyung was twenty-one years old and graduating from university. He had already published his first novel—a rewrite from the one he had written in sixth grade—and was steadily becoming a popular author. He didn’t need Taeyong anymore.

“Will you be there?”

Taeyong hadn’t gotten out of bed in two days, but Minhyung’s hopeful smile gave him the energy to stand. “Of course I’ll be there. I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

He couldn’t blame Minhyung for not noticing. Taeyong was a childhood spirit, and Minhyung was no longer a child. And…it wasn’t like Taeyong had anything to offer him anymore. He didn’t need guidance, or protection. Taeyong could no longer lull him to sleep, or curl his tail around Minhyung’s wrist to comfort him. Minhyung no longer had nightmares, and was no longer afraid of the dark. And Minhyung was smart enough that he didn’t seek out Taeyong’s help with his homework anymore.

_ He doesn’t need you.  _ What an awful realization to have.

“Hyung,” Minhyung said, and Taeyong realized that Minhyung was taller than him. “Hyung, I love you.”

Tears welled up in Taeyong’s eyes despite his best attempts to stop them, and he hugged Minhyung again. 

“I love you too, Minhyung. I’m so proud of you, you know that?” 

Taeyong went to Minhyung’s graduation. He stood there in the back with a big bouquet of flowers, and watched as Minhyung walked across the stage to receive his degree. He was always watching Minhyung.

And he continued to watch Minhyung as he hugged his classmates and friends who had come to see him. Dejun, Yukhei, Kunhang, Donghyuck, Renjun, Jeno, Jaemin, Yangyang.

He watched as Minhyung was surrounded by people who love him, and despite the fact that it left him feeling cold, he didn’t care that Minhyung didn’t so much as look in his direction. 

_As_ _long_ _as_ _he’s happy_ , Taeyong told himself. The cellophane wrap of the bouquet crinkled in his hold. He hadn’t gotten the chance to give it to Minhyung.

That night, Minhyung went to an after party, where he was supposed to die of alcohol poisoning. Somehow, he lost the ladder game and was the designated driver for the night, so he didn’t touch a drop. Minhyung cared too much for his friends to let them drink without a chaperone.

Back at the apartment, Taeyong laid in Minhyung’s bed, unmoving. He was struggling to breathe properly, his breath rattling in his lungs. Blood dripped from his nose and ears under the towel he had the foresight to put beneath him.

On the kitchen table, the flowers he had bought for Minhyung wilted under the harsh fluorescent lights.

  
  


#####  o n e

Minhyung couldn’t see Taeyong anymore.

It didn’t matter much, because Taeyong could rarely find the strength to stand. He watched as Minhyung broke up with Dejun, as Minhyung received the news that his mother had passed away, as Minhyung slowly began isolating himself to the point where he wouldn’t leave the apartment.

Taeyong had never felt so helpless. He didn’t even have the energy to cook for his boy, and laid in bed as Minhyung lived off of instant ramen and shitty takeout. He listened as Minhyung cried himself to sleep, and was forced to deal with the fact that Minhyung had forgotten him.

It was inevitable. Taeyong had been with Minhyung for sixteen years. In fact, Taeyong should have left him long ago, but he couldn’t. If Taeyong had only one life left, he wanted to spend it with Minhyung. His little brother who was fated to die at a young age, had Taeyong not interfered.

_ If I save him, he will be able to live a long life,  _ Taeyong thought exhaustedly, blinking up at the ceiling. Minhyung was curled up next to Taeyong in the bed, and Taeyong longed to reach out to him.  _ But if I save him, I will cease to exist. _

__ It was never a choice for him.

“I love you,” Taeyong whispered hoarsely. Minhyung’s eyelids fluttered and he held his breath, daring to hope. Minhyung’s eyebrows furrowed in his sleep, but he didn’t wake. Sighing, Taeyong heaved himself up off the bed and nearly blacked out, his vision dotting at the edges.

He knew what Minhyung was planning to do. He had watched as Minhyung sat at the kitchen table and wrote letters for his friends, for his father, and for Dejun. For a moment, Minhyung had began a new letter with  _ Dear Ta _ before stopping, confused. Taeyong had watched with bated breath as Minhyung paused, only to have his heart broken when Minhyung scrunched up the paper and thrown it into the bin. 

He found the letters now, sitting in innocuous envelopes on the kitchen table. Each one neatly labeled with the name of its intended recipient. But if Taeyong had anything to say about it, they would never read these letters. Taeyong scooped up the letters, grabbed the matchbook Minhyung kept in his drawer, and stumbled out onto the balcony, the evening chill slicing across his skin. He nearly fell over, but grabbed the railing at the last second to stabilize himself. With a trembling hand, he struck a match and brought the flame to the paper. 

Every time an envelope was close to burning out completely, he dropped it over the railing and watched it shiver in the air, floating off in the dark. Finally, all the letters were gone, and oddly, Taeyong felt at peace with the decision he was about to make.

“Do you think I should have told him?” Taeyong asked quietly when he heard footsteps behind him. He turned around to see Fate standing there, her dress billowing in the wind. She looked beautiful and radiant. The complete opposite of Taeyong, who just looked like someone who was about to die.

Fate and Death were not the same people. Fate was here to make sure he died, and Death would come here to collect his soul. 

“He would have forgotten anyway.” Fate was not cruel, but she was blunt. Taeyong nodded—this was true. It was better for Minhyung to never know, than to have been unhappy for even a moment when he realized Taeyong’s time was limited. “You’re still going to stop him?”  _ You’re still going to mess with me? _

__

__ Taeyong gritted his teeth in determination. “I have to.”

Inside the apartment, Minhyung was awake. Taeyong already knew what Minhyung was planning to do. He had already broken the faucet in the bathtub, as a precaution. He wasn’t going to let Minhyung take his own life.

This was the only way for him to help.

He threw open the balcony door with energy renewed, hurrying into the bedroom. Minhyung was crying, sitting on the edge of the bed with his head held in his hands. He looked so tiny and fragile that it broke Taeyong’s heart.

His little brother.  _ His  _ Minhyung.

Taeyong walked over to the boy’s hunch frame, cupped his face, and pressed a kiss to his clammy forehead.

“I love you, Minhyung. I will always love you. I’ll never leave you alone.” His words fell on deaf ears, but it didn’t matter. Nothing else mattered but Minhyung.

Taeyong took a deep breath and stepped back. It was time. If he didn’t stop Minhyung now, he would find some other way to take his own life, and Taeyong couldn’t let that happen.

He took one last look at Minhyung and closed his eyes.

Minhyung’s phone rang with a call from Dejun, the one person Minhyung could never deny.

The thought of suicide disappeared from Minhyung’s mind. He answered the call. Dejun came to the apartment just as Death came knocking, and just as Taeyong promised, Minhyung was never left alone.

He would just never have Taeyong’s company again.

In the fogged glass of the kitchen window remained three words Minhyung would never see, written by someone who was no longer there.

_ goodbye, little brother. _

  
  


#####  z e r o

“Do you ever feel like you’re missing someone?”

Dejun looked up from his laptop where he was browsing for homes. He looked adorably serious behind his glasses, and Mark almost lost his train of thought.

He sat down on the couch next to his fiancé, curling his legs underneath him habitually. Dejun took one look at him and closed his laptop, setting it on the coffee table.

“Are you high?” Yangyang asked, walking into the living room with the last of Dejun’s Yakult. Mark threw his legs over Dejun’s lap before Dejun could do something stupid like punch their friend.

“Maybe,” Mark answered truthfully. 

“What did you mean, baby?” Dejun asked, pulling Mark into his side. Yangyang made a face at the display of affection.

Mark hesitated. “Sometimes, I find myself turning to tell someone something, but there’s no one there. Does that make sense?”

“Not really,” Dejun admitted, but he squeezed Mark tighter as if urging him on.

“It feels like I’m missing someone. Like a childhood best friend or something. I keep having these dreams,” Mark complained, rubbing at his eyes beneath his own glasses.

“What dreams?” Yangyang asked, leaning forward with interest. Dejun frowned at him, wondering why he was so invested.

Mark shrugged. “Just…I don’t know. Memories of when I was a child, I think. Stuff like someone reading to me at night, or playing with me in the park. But it wasn’t my parents.” 

“Before we met?” Dejun asked, surprised. He knew Mark didn’t have any friends before he, Kunhang, and Yukhei had spoken to him in science class that fateful day.

“Yeah,” Mark said. “And I remember…a cat? Or cat ears, and a cat tail. And purring. But I’ve never owned a cat.”

“Maybe you should see a psychologist,” Dejun fretted, smoothing down the hair at the back of Mark’s head just to occupy his hands. 

“I’m sure it’s nothing to worry about,” Yangyang said nonchalantly. “I get dreams about my childhood all the time, and most of them never happened.”

“You think so?” Mark turned to him, and Yangyang hated that faraway look in his eyes.

“If it gets to the point that your dreams affect you negatively, then maybe see a psychologist. But for now, it’s probably because you’re a full adult now, getting married and buying a house. Subconsciously, you miss when you weren’t so stressed,” Yangyang said, pulling his phone out of his pocket. “Renjun texted me, I gotta dip. I’ll see you guys tomorrow?”

“Do you want me to drive you home?” Dejun asked, reaching for his car keys. Yangyang took one look at Mark curled into Dejun’s side and shook his head.

“Nah, don’t worry. My guardian angel is watching over me.” And with that, Yangyang left the apartment.

“I’m not an angel, I’m a spirit,” Kun complained, following Yangyang out. His fox ears twitched irritably.

“Aren’t fox spirits supposed to be mischievous?”

“That’s kitsunes, and if anyone here is mischievous, it’s you,” Kun replied, rolling his eyes.

Yangyang was quiet for a moment as they descended the stairs (Kun didn’t like elevators) but when they exited the apartment, he spoke again. “Mark was like me, right?”

“Yes, he was fated to die.” Kun never sugarcoated anything.

“And Taeyong gave up his lives for Mark, just like you do for me?”

“That’s correct. Spirits have more lives than humans, so they tend to live much, much longer. But Taeyong gave up all of his lives to save Mark. He traded Mark’s fate for his own.”

Yangyang’s eyes watered, and he gripped Kun’s hand tightly in his own, coming to a halt. “Then you’ll leave me too, won’t you?”

“I will not.”

“Good, because I need you,” Yangyang insisted, and they began walking again.

“You don’t need me,” Kun said matter-of-factly. “But because you are a child at heart, I am still here.”

“Won’t you die if you keep saving me? You’ll run out of lives, won’t you?”

Kun shook his head. “I will run out of lives, eventually but I will still live longer than you.”

Yangyang furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. “I don’t get it.”

“Taeyong was a cat spirit. He only had nine lives to give. Most spirits of his kind never save a Fated child at all, because they don’t live very long compared to the rest of us.”

“I still don’t get it. Why did Taeyong choose to save Mark if he knew he wasn’t going to live long?”

“Because he was a fool, Yangyang,” Kun said honestly. “And he loved Minhyung very, very much.”

“Like you love me, right?” Yangyang asked, throwing his arms around Kun. The fox spirit startled, the way he always did whenever Yangyang hugged him, but he wrapped his arms around his charge to ward off the oncoming chill.

“Yes, Yangyang, like I love you. Now come on, let’s go home.”

That night, Kun sent Minhyung another dream. He couldn’t do much, couldn’t force Minhyung to remember Taeyong completely, but he could try.

This was the only way he could keep Taeyong alive, even if it was just his memory.

**Author's Note:**

> [twitter](https://twitter.com/jaemarkism)  
>  [curious cat](https://curiouscat.me/jaemarked)


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